Talks

Things, things, things to think about....

I'm going to the Naval recruiter on Monday people, but tonight I intend to tell you what Mom and I just discussed. We talked about when she dies what will happen... and I got to thinking, Joanie has her family, Heather has Zen, Jessica has her school in Japan, Brian has his kids and Jessica, everyone has something to stabilize them when it happens... but right now I don't. She kinda is my world and it's hard to realize someday she won't be around. I'm not crying, I'm not upset but it sucks because I just never really thought about it before. I guess I never thought it was possible for her to not be around. Soon she'll be 56, (in May), and I guess it's not that far away, but one thought that comforts me is that her parents and grandparents despite physical problems have lived quite a long time, maybe she'll live a long time too. I hope so. Everyone but Jess and I have seen her hold their children, meet spouses, go to weddings... but by the time that happens for me or Jess she might not still be here. Joanie was 29 when she got married, I'm eight years from there, and Mom'll be 64 by that time. I guess I just worry because I think at this current time I need her the most. Not that you guys don't love and need her, but I need her the most. I guess all I can do is pray that she'll be around long enough for me to get to a point where I could handle it.

And as much as I love Mom, if anyone else I loved died... I would feel the same way. I am one of the few grown up sisters Joanie got to know, the only Twin Jessi has, and the most like Heather. I would miss you all, not to mention my nephews and nieces. But enough thoughts of death.... the only thing they're good for is putting priorities in place.

I love you guys a lot. I'm doing well and exercising a whole lot. I'm working hard and Monday I'll be going in to enlist. I'll let you all know how it goes.